It's not your fault

I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I don't know where it comes from. Life is going pretty good right now. Yet I feel a bit off.

Do you know where your depression and/or anxiety comes from? Some of us are prone to it through genetics and some of us through circumstances, mostly beyond our control. Traumatic life experiences, feeling worthless, physical or emotional abuse caused by a family member, friend or even a stranger can be contributing factors.
Who can you turn to when the darkness sets in? Who will listen? Who will carry you and not judge you? Do you find that your family and even your friends just wish you would stop and get over it?

You can't! It's not your fault. You want to be "normal" but something inside you won't let you. What is normal anyway? Who decides what's normal? My my normal is not the same as everyone else's.

There are no easy answers to this phenomenon called depression. It's something that washes over you like a wave of despair and the more you try to run from it the more it seems to cover you. Some of you just want the pain to stop so you cut yourself to feel a different pain or take pills to sleep the pain away.

What is it? Why is depression so rampant in our culture? It seems to be more and more in the news these days. Celebrities opening up about suffering from it.  Jared Padalecki, especially when he had to cancel appearances for health reasons. How can someone so talented, who seems to have everything be depressed? Most significantly Robin Williams we learned after his untimely death was quite the shock. How can someone so funny be so sad?

This is not something to take lightly or shrug off. What can we as a society do to combat this issue?
Just admitting there's a problem is the first step. Seeing some famous people dealing with their own issues publicly is such a positive light on this matter.

Now how do we as "regular" people work this out? Lately I have been exposed to more and more people dealing with depression. It breaks my heart. Life is worth living. God created it for His glory and our lives matter to Him.
He can lift the darkness and make you whole. It's not that you will never have bouts of depression or anxiety again, but, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will never tell you to "get over it". He will always listen to you and never judge your insecurities. He will give you peace that surpasses understanding. He sent His only son that we might have life and have it more abundantly. He doesn't promise that life will be easy only that He will be there for all of it.

I am not going to preach to you. I don't want you to think this is going to become some kind of religious blog. I am a Christ follower and not ashamed of it, so if it's appropriate I will include Jesus in my messages. This is one such message.
Life is hard. People are mean. God is good. When we choose to look to Him our struggles diminish. We are all imperfect creatures and He knows this.
Do you know how much He loves you? Do you know that He is waiting to have a relationship with you? He is the one you can trust with your struggles. He doesn't care how much baggage you have in your life. You don't have to prove anything to Him. Wouldn't that be nice?

To be honest with you, I struggle with being insecure. I never quite feel like I'm good enough.
I'm scared to post this message for fear of being rejected. What if someone reads this and decides they don't like me because of it. I post it anyway, because someone told me no to worry about what other people think and that I should just let the message speak for itself.

I will not judge you either. I feel nothing but compassion for all of you. You have been hurt horribly in your lives. I can't even pretend to understand all of it. I only know that you shouldn't have to fight alone.
I feel strongly that we as a community need to help each other through this life. We all have our issues, some worse than others.

Let's fight the good fight together.
Thank you for reading this. These are my thoughts. I hope you are encouraged in some way!


"Always Keep Fighting", Jared Padalecki
Phil4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

Did you wake up today?

Did you wake up today? This is something to celebrate! 

As someone whose personality is to want to help, I believe that there is enough love in me to pour out to those who are hurting through this blog.
Proverbs 18:14 says:
The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear it if the spirit is crushed? 

Some of you who suffer from depression and anxiety, feeling lost and afraid,wanting to be part of something using social media to find connections, looking for someone to listen, you are not alone, not going out of your mind. Confusion is common, and the inexplicable black cloud can be lifted. Social media can give us a sense of community and yet leave us feeling alone and rejected.

A sad truth is that many Christians also suffer from depression and either do not know it (they are miserable but do not know why) or cannot admit it because they think that would be admitting a spiritual problem. So, they suffer in silence hoping and praying for deliverance; but the consequences of doing nothing often result in further complications. 
Then there are those of you who do give a voice to your struggles only to be let down by friends and family, being told to get over it or it's not as bad as you think. 
I want to encourage you to find someone to talk to, not someone to fix you (only God can do that) just someone to be a shoulder, to help carry your burden even if they can't completely understand what you're feeling. 

The more I use social media, the more I see the hurt people are experiencing. The more I see the struggle to be heard and cared for. Too many people crying out in the darkness for someone to turn on a light of love, and friendship. Social media can give us a false sense of this, however, there can be true connection if we truly want to find it. Let's connect in a real way. Let's be kind to each other. Let's lift each other up. Let's look for ways to help those who are hurting. We can win the war against depression, anxiety and sadness together.

Until next time...Never give up!

Always Keep Fighting!, Jared Padalecki, inspired
Philippians4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Friend or Foe

I want to share with you my experiences with friends. Now just a little back story. I am not a very outgoing person. I never had a large group of friends growing up. I mostly had 2-3 relatively good friends. High school was not the "best time" of my life in any way, other than that's where I met my husband. My best friend went to a different school and my friends from elementary school abandoned me in high school. I was not a cheerleader, didn't get into school politics or the newspaper. I was lucky to get B's and C's. Not popular in any way. My friends were the outcasts, who didn't fit in anywhere.

I had a friend who only wanted to be around me if her other friends were busy. I clung to any amount of time she was willing to spend with me. I let her walk all over me. One day she decided that I didn't "need" her anymore because I had a boyfriend and there was another girl who "needed" her more. Wait? What? You're dumping me because I'm not needy? Are you kidding? O.K.
I also had a friend who only spoke to me when she was having boyfriend troubles.
I believe this was the beginning of my social anxiety. (never a medical diagnosis, but non-the-less real) 
I started guarding my heart. Aside from my husband and my best friend I really didn't socialize. Friends to me meant heartache. 

Fast forward....Married with children. Uh oh! I have to venture out of my comfort zone and speak to people. Still no real friends, just parents of my daughters friends. Some of them were nice, some were not friend material. I still had that social awkwardness.
Birthday parties were agonizing if I had to stay.

One day a neighbor invited me to go with her to an aerobics class. They had child care and she was taking her kids with her. I went. I hated exercise but I enjoyed the music that was being played and the message the instructor spoke of during it. This is where I became a Christian. 
I thought I had found a place to feel safe. Most of the women were Christian. They invited me to bible studies and meetings. That quickly turned. Don't get me wrong, becoming a Christian was the best thing I've ever done. The women of this group I joined, were not very encouraging for a new believer and made me feel guilty about everything. As if God wouldn't accept me if I didn't do things their way. O.K. good bye to another group of people I thought were my friends. Alone again.
Since then I found an amazing church and some wonderful people to call my brothers and sisters.

When we returned from Boston, I learned that my husband had made some new friends at church. They became our best friends. for almost 10 years we were inseparable. I felt like I had finally found a true group of people to call family. We would raise our kids together. We went through a lot as a group. Cancer, runaway kids, infidelity, and other stuff. Well the group started to get smaller. Some of my friends started doing things I couldn't be part of so they would leave us out and then have secrets. 
For about the last 2 years, I was hanging on to a dead friendship. I couldn't accept that I had failed again, not after this long. I felt hurt and mad. I tried everything to keep this friendship alive, only to be ignored. It felt like a death in the family. I mourned the passing of this relationship for a long time. Tried to resurrect it several times. Tried to figure out what I had done wrong. My family told me to just be done already, that it was bringing me down. I just couldn't do it. Until one day it hit me. After I had to cancel plans to meet for coffee, due to car trouble, I didn't heard from this friend again. I realized that I was in a one-sided friendship. I cared more than she did. One sided friendships are no friendships at all. 

If you have any one in your life that only brings you down, you need to rethink the reasons you're holding on. My reason was that I couldn't believe after all we'd been through together it was just over. I am still working through it.

This is where I will leave you. I hope you will get something out of my experiences. I don't want to bore you. I want to encourage you. I will always end these posts with this reminder...
ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING...Jared Padalecki, inspired.

Phil4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Intro

My name is Dana. I am a wife, a mother of 3 and grandmother. I am starting this blog in order to bring encouragement and support to those of you who suffer from anxiety, depression and sadness. 

First, I am not a doctor nor do I claim to know everything that these issues bring with them. I would, however, like to share this journey we call life with you and perhaps bring light to your darkness.

Let me tell you a little about myself. 
I have been married to my husband for 26 years. We have raised 2 beautiful daughters and continue to raise our 3rd. We have had our share of ups and downs over the years. Our biggest obstacle came in 2001 when our oldest was diagnosed with a tumor in her left eye socket at 9 years old. She had surgery to remove it and we learned that is was cancer. First thought, no way not my kid! This is a bad dream! We researched all possible avenues to find a cure. At one point we were told that her eye would have to be removed and that she would live only 5 years. This was not acceptable. Now it was time to pray harder. Anxiety set in, worry set it in and the thought of losing our daughter was almost more than we could bear. We found a doctor in Boston who invited us to be part of his medical trial for this particular cancer. He had significant results and was sure he could help us. We went. March of 2001 we packed up (we only had 2 kids at the time, 9 and 6) moved to a hotel in Boston and stayed for 2 months. There I lived with my girls alone in a strange city. Taking the train to Massachusetts General and renting a car to travel to Harvard College where some of her appointments were. 
This was a very difficult time in our lives. Although I tried to have some fun with my girls when we had down time, it wasn't easy. I was not an adventurous person. I did the best I could. I remember feeling lost and alone. I felt like my friends had abandoned me. I wasn't a strong Christian then, only a few years into my walk, so prayer and seeking God didn't come easy. Sleep was difficult for all of us. The 3 of us slept in the living room of this 2 bedroom long term apartment with the t.v. on all night. Needless to say, 2 months felt like 2 years.
Finally it was time to go home. My husband came to travel home with us. We ventured out to see some sights before going home. This was the most fun we had in 2 months. 

I tell you this story, in order to let you know that I can sympathize with some of what depression and anxiety can do to you. When we returned home life was different. Everything revolved around whether or not Madison had been cured. I would wake up in the middle of the night in the throws of a full panic attack. Sometimes they would happen while I was driving, other times, while I was just sitting quietly. It took months before I was able to gain control over the anxiety. A friend of ours was a chiropractor and suggested I try an adjustment. I had never been to a chiropractor before but I trusted him. The adjustments started helping. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that this was a cure all. I still struggled. It was better than the anti-anxiety meds the dr. put me on. Those made it worse. 

Good news is, Madison is cancer free, married with a beautiful son. She is a strong Christian teaching pre-school at a Christian School and thriving. I thank God every day for this miracle.

Today, I am a stronger Christian. I will always have some struggles as does everyone. I understand better now how to deal with difficult situations. I have learned over the years to better discern who my real friends are and who I don't need in my life, no matter how much I want them to stay forever. That is for a later date. 

I hope you will be blessed by this blog and find some comfort in it as we go along. Watch for more. May God give you peace and comfort. Remember to Always Keep Fighting!