New Years Eve 2105

New Years Eve 2015

As this year comes to a close I am reminded of all that has happened this year.

I started this year on January 26, losing my loving father at the at of 85. This was one of the hardest days of my life. I am thankful I got to be there with him.

Then came my beautiful grandson, Ryan. On April 7th, 5 weeks before his due date he decided it was time to meet the world. He came in at only 4 lbs but he was strong and healthy.

This year was full of new adventures as well. I realized this year, with the help of Madison, that I am a little bit nerdy. I love it!

San Diego Comic Con in July, where we had the privilege of meeting Nathan Fillion and getting a photo.

In September we went to Long Beach Comic Con, where we met John Barrowman from Arrow and Dr. Who. We also got to meet Hilly and Hannah Hindi of The Hillywood Show, they are responsible for a great parody of Supernatural. Sydnie was star struck meeting them. They were so sweet and gracious. We also got to see the 1967 Impala used in Supernatural. Ok it's a car but if you know anything about the show you know it's more of a character than just a vehicle.

In November we traveled to Pasadena for The Supernatural Convention. This was the best time of all. We met Megan Padalecki, Jared's sister, who wrote this awesome childrens book Big Mo, she took time to talk with us, sign her book for us and take a picture with us. She's a rock star in her own right.
This time we had photo op with Misha Collins (Castiel) and Mark Sheppard (Crowley) I thought I was going to lose it. They were so nice, well I think they were, the photo op lasted all of about 5 seconds. Still it was very exciting.

Christmas came and we had so much fun being with family and friends. Ryan had a great time playing with the wrappings, go figure (8 month old).

Today is New Years Eve. I feel a little sad about this year ending. I am looking forward to new adventures in 2016.
The plan, God willing, is to continue writing fan fiction. Keep in touch with good friends, in person and on Twitter.

I know this post is full of my life. My life is full. Not perfect.

I am going to continue to encourage you to Always Keep Fighting. To Never Give Up.

I'm here for you if you need me.


Happy New Year! May 2016 be the best year of your life!

Phil4:13

ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING. - Jared Padalecki

Holiday blues

Why do the holidays cause so much pain?

I have come to understand that depression and anxiety seem to be heightened at this time of year.
If you've experienced any sort of loss, the holidays bring that loss to the forefront.
If you have experienced rejection from family or friends, the holidays can bring the pain all over again. You begin the process of feeling inadequate a new.
Since it's the time of year you're "suppose" to feel good you hide your pain in fake smiles and "Happy Holiday" greetings.

Can we take a moment to recognize that the pain we feel is real?
Can we pause to reflect on what is causing that pain?

Now can we agree to work on expressing that pain to someone we trust?
Now can we give everything we have to Keep Fighting and bring an end to the dread and despair that is felt?

Let's take this Christmas season to love one another without question.

If you are in need of someone to listen please reach out. You are not alone. You are worthy and you are loved!

ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING - Jared Padalecki

Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me."

My depression

My depression hit me out of nowhere. I get it now.
I woke up this morning feeling tired. I did not want to get out of bed. This wave washed over me and I just felt like crying. I gave into it. I decided to let it take over for a while. I don't want to go out. I want to sit in silence. Everything makes me want to cry. I can't do anything right. This must be what you experience when you're in the throws of a deep depression. Does anyone even care that I feel this way? It hurts. I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be a better day. As for today, depression wins.



Always Keep Fighting!
Phil 4:13

Depression calling out...

I don't know about you but I feel like depression can take on many forms. I don't suffer from depression per se like a lot of people do. I do, however, have bouts of depression from time to time.
There are times I feel like no one cares about me although I have family around me all the time and a husband who loves me. I understand that my emotions vary from time to time and that's normal for me. I also, understand that too many of you suffer from depression due to the many life struggles you have had to endure. I am not trying to trivialize a real battle.
I have recently come to realize that many of you feel like a burden when you struggle with depression. You don't want to bring others down so you just hide away until it either passes or you do something drastic to get it to stop. I believe that depression calls for community not isolation. If you don't give it a voice it will consume you. If you don't give it a voice how can you fight it? It seems to me that since depression is the enemy of the mind that once it gets a hold it just wants to suck the life out of you. Give it a voice! I think that hiding causes the depression to get a stronger hold. It whispers to you that you are not good enough and that no one wants to hear from you. This is not true, it is a lie to keep you isolated. Silence is what depression wants. Don't give it what it wants, give yourself what you need.
If you are someone who feels like you can't let people in because of your depression, you're wrong. There are so many loving, compassionate people just waiting to listen to you. There is also a loving God who wants to get you through it. Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. He is just a prayer away. When you don't know what else to do and you feel like no one is listening, He is. All you have to do is believe in Him and ask for his help.

Meanwhile, never stop talking. If you are reading this you are stronger than you know and asking for help is not weakness!
Always keep fighting and never give up! You are worthy!

Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strenghtens me."

You are worthy

A friend recently said, "I am going to tear up the old me and begin living as the person I want to be."
Sounds so easy doesn't it? It should be. Why don't we feel worthy to be who we want to be. How can we allow others to dictate who we are?

Well it really isn't easy to do. From a young age people come in and out of our lives and tell us who they think we are. We buy into it and drag it with us through life. Dr. Phil says we allow people to write on the slate of our lives. So true.

What does it really mean to "feel worthy"? We think that we have to fit a certain mold. If you're pretty according to the world's standards then you are worthy to sit at the popular table. If you're athletic you get to sit with the jocks and cheerleaders. What about those of us who do not fit into any of these categories? I admit I was an average student and socially awkward. I was picked on in grade school with no one to fight for me. I was not tall, pretty or smart. I have had self image issues, everyone does, even the so called beautiful people.

So, why don't you feel worthy? Who told you, you're not worthy?
The answer is not simple. I wish it were. If it were simple, we would not have so many sad, lonely and depressed people in the world.

What can we do? We can allow ourselves to just love who we are and other people no matter what. God put us here to first love Him and then to love each other. We don't have to buy into the world's description of worthy.
No matter what your past, no matter what other people say about you, you are worthy of love, respect and happiness. No one has the right to take that from you. You and I can fight for each other to make this world a better place.

Recently I heard a pastor speak about disappointment. He said we have to dig around the root of the problem and cultivate a new way of dealing with it. We all have past issues that haunt us. We can let it defeat us or we can grow from it.
Let's continue to keep communication open and let's agree to lift each other up in love, without judgement.
Let's grow together! You are worthy!

I'll be here!



"Always Keep Fighting!", Jared Padalecki
Philippians 4:13

It's not your fault

I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I don't know where it comes from. Life is going pretty good right now. Yet I feel a bit off.

Do you know where your depression and/or anxiety comes from? Some of us are prone to it through genetics and some of us through circumstances, mostly beyond our control. Traumatic life experiences, feeling worthless, physical or emotional abuse caused by a family member, friend or even a stranger can be contributing factors.
Who can you turn to when the darkness sets in? Who will listen? Who will carry you and not judge you? Do you find that your family and even your friends just wish you would stop and get over it?

You can't! It's not your fault. You want to be "normal" but something inside you won't let you. What is normal anyway? Who decides what's normal? My my normal is not the same as everyone else's.

There are no easy answers to this phenomenon called depression. It's something that washes over you like a wave of despair and the more you try to run from it the more it seems to cover you. Some of you just want the pain to stop so you cut yourself to feel a different pain or take pills to sleep the pain away.

What is it? Why is depression so rampant in our culture? It seems to be more and more in the news these days. Celebrities opening up about suffering from it.  Jared Padalecki, especially when he had to cancel appearances for health reasons. How can someone so talented, who seems to have everything be depressed? Most significantly Robin Williams we learned after his untimely death was quite the shock. How can someone so funny be so sad?

This is not something to take lightly or shrug off. What can we as a society do to combat this issue?
Just admitting there's a problem is the first step. Seeing some famous people dealing with their own issues publicly is such a positive light on this matter.

Now how do we as "regular" people work this out? Lately I have been exposed to more and more people dealing with depression. It breaks my heart. Life is worth living. God created it for His glory and our lives matter to Him.
He can lift the darkness and make you whole. It's not that you will never have bouts of depression or anxiety again, but, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will never tell you to "get over it". He will always listen to you and never judge your insecurities. He will give you peace that surpasses understanding. He sent His only son that we might have life and have it more abundantly. He doesn't promise that life will be easy only that He will be there for all of it.

I am not going to preach to you. I don't want you to think this is going to become some kind of religious blog. I am a Christ follower and not ashamed of it, so if it's appropriate I will include Jesus in my messages. This is one such message.
Life is hard. People are mean. God is good. When we choose to look to Him our struggles diminish. We are all imperfect creatures and He knows this.
Do you know how much He loves you? Do you know that He is waiting to have a relationship with you? He is the one you can trust with your struggles. He doesn't care how much baggage you have in your life. You don't have to prove anything to Him. Wouldn't that be nice?

To be honest with you, I struggle with being insecure. I never quite feel like I'm good enough.
I'm scared to post this message for fear of being rejected. What if someone reads this and decides they don't like me because of it. I post it anyway, because someone told me no to worry about what other people think and that I should just let the message speak for itself.

I will not judge you either. I feel nothing but compassion for all of you. You have been hurt horribly in your lives. I can't even pretend to understand all of it. I only know that you shouldn't have to fight alone.
I feel strongly that we as a community need to help each other through this life. We all have our issues, some worse than others.

Let's fight the good fight together.
Thank you for reading this. These are my thoughts. I hope you are encouraged in some way!


"Always Keep Fighting", Jared Padalecki
Phil4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

Did you wake up today?

Did you wake up today? This is something to celebrate! 

As someone whose personality is to want to help, I believe that there is enough love in me to pour out to those who are hurting through this blog.
Proverbs 18:14 says:
The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear it if the spirit is crushed? 

Some of you who suffer from depression and anxiety, feeling lost and afraid,wanting to be part of something using social media to find connections, looking for someone to listen, you are not alone, not going out of your mind. Confusion is common, and the inexplicable black cloud can be lifted. Social media can give us a sense of community and yet leave us feeling alone and rejected.

A sad truth is that many Christians also suffer from depression and either do not know it (they are miserable but do not know why) or cannot admit it because they think that would be admitting a spiritual problem. So, they suffer in silence hoping and praying for deliverance; but the consequences of doing nothing often result in further complications. 
Then there are those of you who do give a voice to your struggles only to be let down by friends and family, being told to get over it or it's not as bad as you think. 
I want to encourage you to find someone to talk to, not someone to fix you (only God can do that) just someone to be a shoulder, to help carry your burden even if they can't completely understand what you're feeling. 

The more I use social media, the more I see the hurt people are experiencing. The more I see the struggle to be heard and cared for. Too many people crying out in the darkness for someone to turn on a light of love, and friendship. Social media can give us a false sense of this, however, there can be true connection if we truly want to find it. Let's connect in a real way. Let's be kind to each other. Let's lift each other up. Let's look for ways to help those who are hurting. We can win the war against depression, anxiety and sadness together.

Until next time...Never give up!

Always Keep Fighting!, Jared Padalecki, inspired
Philippians4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."